Darius lifted his head enough to glare at Zechariah. He didn't understand, no one who wasn't an artist couldn't understand. "I wasn't supposed to. Acting like that has ruined my abilities and my outlook. It's fine to look, that's how I could put beauty on canvas. But I lowered myself and Calliope to nothing more than animals." He covered his face again. Had Calliope had sex before? Almost definitely, they seemed quite confident in their skills, but that didn't matter.

"It is like.." He was quiet a moment as his mind searched up anything that could explain it. "Like having a present. It is wrapped up as the most beautiful present in the world and your mind can delight on opening it. And when you do, inside is like.. a new pair of trousers. Sure, it's nice. But it ruined the anticipation and now the box has been opened andyou can never relive that moment again. But it's worse."

He started to cry again. "The sex wasn't good. I don't know what good sex is supposed to be like. But that wasn't it. And it was my fault, it had to be. I am sure I disappointed Calliope. They acted like everything was fine, but they are a professional." He sighed sadly. "I ruined my talent and joy and it wasn't even something to write a symphony over."