One envelope is pink, with clunky handwriting and spritzed in popular boudoir perfume he might have caught a whiff of once or twice. It includes an address to a sketchier part of town … that may or may not seem familiar.

How much is not rich? Any health issues?

Another envelope is plain, the handwriting cursive but not comfortably so.

Dear letter writer,

I saw your inquiry for a wife. I am 19, no children, seeking stable life. I do not ask much, and it sounds as if you don’t, either. Perhaps it could work. Might we meet for tea this week?

-R. S.

One letter is on high quality legal paper, free of bleed. It smells nice (intentionally nice, even) … but … more woody than floral. The hand is ornate, and possibly uncomfortably familiar? It is address from Box #54.

Dearest Not-Richard,

I ask for a moment of your trust. Take your hand from your pocket, please. Unbutton your outerwear, down to flesh and bone, and put your hand upon your chest. Is it warm? Is there a pulse? Does your heart beat? Does it not yearn for more than a steady pace onward, in a cold but full marriage bed?

I, on the other hand, am attractive enough for two. Keep that shirt unbuttoned, let your hand down, and decide if you want to trust me still. I need not your money. I, too, am unlikely to have children. But I can chase the cold away from one lonely sailor, lost at sea.

Take a chance, sailor.

-Swordfish

Elijah was polite and responded to any messages he received. Though some were far shorter than others, he tried to be honest as much as possible. 

To the first one with the scent of perfume

I am wealthy enough that I have a small place to live and I manage just fine though some days I am more frugal than others. And the only health issues of my knowledge are superficial.  If this does not please you, I do thank you for your time.

To the second and more simple one

You sound a little young, but it wouldn't matter for my needs. We can attempt it if you wish. I will meet you where you wish, just give me a time and place. I will be the one wearing gloves even as he drinks his tea.

The final one had him thinking for a while before deciding to reply as well

Swordfish,

Your message left me a little confused at first. As you are not a woman wanting to become a wife. I realized quickly enough and will say that is not the point of my ad but I am curious as to your point. It is hard being adrift at sea with no other ships to hear my call.  And while I would yearn for something more I have been tossed aside in the storm too much. The island I thought I found was a mere mirage. 

I am happy to write to you as your letter was intriguing and you sound like a true treasure still hidden away. I am not seeking to disappoint you but it is nice to make contact with another just to remind myself the ocean isn't as empty as it seems. Thank you for your time,

Not-Richard

On poor quality paper, folded, without an envelope:

Spoiler:

Dear sir, I am not rich, but men find me attractive. I am very trustworthy and good at housekeeping. How poor are you? If you can provide for me and my two children – they are no trouble I swear – I am very interested. I do not expect love, only support. In return, I will do what you like. Men like me in the bed, and I could be yours all the time. I can make sure no more children are born. Yours, Ruth

The return address is the address of the Longbottoms.

***

On good quality paper in a neat handwriting:

Spoiler:

Dear sir,

Looks and money are not important for me either. Personality is, and I would love to get to know yours. I am a good listener and a loyal friend to those who deserve it. I myself am not interested in having children either, but in finding a companion; a love like that between friends is more than enough for me. I enjoy reading and studying, especially the classics. I also appreciate art, especially the work of Michelangelo. If you share these interests, perhaps we could get to know each other better, and perhaps you would find me a suitable wife.

Yours sincerely,
A lady looking for a husband

The return address is post box 59

***

In a messy handwriting on the back of a pamphlet for the fair, in a reused envelope:

Spoiler:

Deer sir,

Me family as fallen on hard times an I am in need of a usband. I am not tat ritch, but I am good lookin an very trustworthy. I dont cair about children an I am very easy. I want only kindness, no love. Please, if yu wood at least meet me in the west corner of ___ park tomorrow nite at 9, so as to give me a chans. I am not good at writin. Please meet me their.

Sally.

There is no return address.

Elijah had stared at the letter from Ruth Longbottom and almost considered not replying.

I am thankful for your reply but I do require a wife. I am not needing someone for the bedroom. I do hope you cna find the assistance you need to help care for your children.

To the mysterious other letter

Your letter sounds very promising. I would love to have a family, but as I said I am busy with work. And I admire your education and enjoying your habits and wish I could enjoy them alongside you. If you do not mind finding someone else who can share your interests, we can still talk. Thank you for your time.

Elijah frowned staring at that last one. He thought it over and decided he could go as a concerned constable, not as a person looking for a wife. Perhaps he could point her and her family towards St. Hilda's or someone else who can assist them.

There was no answer from the first letter writer. The fastest response by far was from Swordfish.

Dear Not-Richard,

What you lack in means, you make up for in wit. I confess I had wondered, what with your emphases – and I take no small delight in our shared realizations.

Perhaps it is morbid that I rejoice, too, in our shared suffering. I too found myself lost in a mirage, Not-Richard. Stranded in a rapidly shrinking desert oasis when I thought I had found an island. My maiden was a siren whose last shipwreck proved fatal to herself. I was on the ship, but I managed to swim ashore and watch it sink.

There are nights I scorn my survival as much as my enthusiasm for her song. She did not deserve the attention I had paid her, but neither did she deserve to die for her unscrupulous ways. I did everything I could for her, until I saw her in the harsh light of day.

I regret that too, on the occasional day that ends in ‘y’.

But, that is not tonight. Tonight, I sit with a glass of wine and think of champagne for two. I may be wearing nothing more than a bathrobe, wondering if I might bask in another letter of shared suffering. Pardon my boldness, but perhaps these loveless bastards did not deserve us and had to make way for us to find each other.

Sincerely,
-Swordfish

More practically, a letter arrived a couple days later from R. S., one of the ones actually answering the ad’s intended purpose.

It will not be a problem. I prefer an older husband.

Let us meet at the teahouse, then, this Monday at 2PM. I will be the one wearing a pearl necklace.

-R. S.

Elijah had reread the letter from Swordfish a few times. Was this supposed to be tantalizing or was it comforting. He found himself drawing to reply either way.

To the Enigmatic Swordfish,
I suppose this proves that misery loves company. We both find ourselves hurt and unable to even let others know except each other in secrecy. I am sorry for your pain very deeply, and while my letter provides little comfort, tomorrow is a day without a y, so I will hope for you that on one tomorrow, you will no longer be tethered to the pain in the past. And that perhaps you did give this siren something they wouldn't have found otherwise and did all you could to save from.

My own mirage was a ship who mistook me for their island as well. We wanted to come to each other's shore but it was too dangerous and they steered away to continue their, perhaps more important, journey. I will not deceive you and say I am fine with it. I would have risked a wreck to be their island if I could. But we can not change others, no matter how entrancing their song is. And I have learned my lesson about coming ashore to an island just because it was there.

Your night sounds relaxing, and I wish I could share the same. I come home late at night, weary and needing rest. For now, I stretch out in the comfort of my lonely little house and feel like there is at least one person in this world I can speak with, and it is comforting in its own strange way. I do hope to write to you some more, at least until I do find a true reply to my ad. So I thank you and enjoy your night a little extra for me.

With greatest sincerity,
Not-Richard

He didn't know if the letter would reply in time, but he would try to write anyway.

Sounds perfect, I shall see you then. Please take my need for secrecy about this letter and my reasons for it at heart. I will see you then and hope I do not disappoint too much.

To the Dutiful Not-Richard:

I must ask your forgiveness of my wishes, then.

I hope that you are left seeking. I hope that none of the women show, and that none of the men’s miseries are nearly as lovely as mine. I hope your misery sends you back to your post box and back to your desk, yearning for naught but the touch of an enigmatic swordfish.

Maybe not an enigmatic swordfish in the flesh, but the spirit of one.

I had never thought of ‘tomorrow’ that way. It is profoundly poetic, and fills me with yearning. How did I live without your wisdom? How can you expect me to return to life without it? Who says this has to be a romantic exchange, that must be banished once you marry? Perhaps we are just two lone souls who share a connection untainted by more than a most platonic love.

Besides, I have complete faith that you will inform me at once of a betrothal, that I might not embarrass us both with details such as a 16 centimeter package to send you on a lonely night.

Sincerely,
-Swordfish

Unfortunately for Swordfish, R. S. showed up.

Elijah found himself somewhat cheered up when he saw the letter.

Dear Enigmatic Swordfish,

Your honesty is invigorating. I do find myself looking forward to your reply. I am planning to meet with one, and no man has written to me. Though I doubt any would be as captivating as you have been. While you may try to tempt me with flesh, it is your tantalizing words that keep me going to my box every day.

You are far too kind to me, it is merely my wish that you find your happiness as life is always giving us new miseries while we long for moments of joy that taunt us in our memories. I do like the suggestion. It doesn't have to end. I haven't wanted to search for love, but writing to you gives me something I haven't had in a while. I do not feel judged nor dismissed. I will be happy to fall into an innocent love with the mysterious writer who is anything and everything I could wish for.

If I become betrothed you will be the first to know. I have a small feeling you may continue to try to seduce me into thinking things I shouldn't as you promise relaxing evenings and forbidden gifts.

Sincerely,
Not-Richard

A day after Elijah’s disappointing meeting with “Ruby,” in arrives another letter, no damning letter to the editor in sight (yet).

To the Unfortunately Popular Not-Richard,

Just because this letter is a bit fishy does not make a he-fish any less of a fish in the sea. Does it? Perhaps it does. On second thought, for legal purposes it absolutely does.

What are words, but an extension of the flesh? Of the minute details that draw us together instead of break us apart? Why, Not-Richard, do men slot together so perfectly if God did not intend it that way?

I admit, I hunger for more than words on paper. Much as the feel of a new letter in my hands brings me joy, I cannot help but wonder how your hand in my hand might compare. There is nothing to suggest evil in our exchange. Banish it from your mind. Need something be innocent and untouched as Queen Victoria’s wedding gown to be worthwhile? Goodness, no.

I suppose I am beginning to see your point in your earlier letter. There are many an innocent way to love, Not-Richard, but I would do us both a grave injustice to pretend I want the love of a lamb instead of a lambskin.

Give me a name to call the sheets I clench on your behalf. I already tried ‘Not-Richard,’ and it kept my sheets pure tonight.

Sincerely,
-Honor

To Honor?

A new name, I will miss Swordfish, it had a lot of intrigue and an interesting mental image. Well, shed your scales and walk the land, for I bring good news I guess. My first attempt at meeting failed, I could not continue with her and I think she was upset, but it was clearly for the best.

I suppose you may be right and that our words could be ways that join us together in an intimacy our bodies could never achieve while , as you so interestingly put it, our bodies fit together in a way that is wonderfully strange if it weren't meant to be. Also funny how often I've heard in church when God spoke and made his lists, this was not one of them and yet people will forgive a murderer before they forgive a man who merely loved his ilk.

You flirt with danger, Honor. Treat me merely as delicious words on paper, for that is all I may as well be. And give me any name that pleases your tongue. We both know the dangers of wanting more, that is why this ad was even started. Believe me, when I have felt love, I would have risked life and limb to receive and give love. Call me a romantic, for I still yearn for it even though I know I am merely whispering out into a dark night for I dare not scream and have the wolves come calling.

I hope I have not ruined your mood, and that you continue having pleasant nights and perhaps one day you'll find a face or name to give you the exciting peace you crave.

Eternally grateful and flattered,
Not-Not-Richard