Kitty sighed and sat down. She didn't care to sit properly and leaned forward with her arms folded over the back of the previous pew to rest her chin upon it. "Maybe, but it wasn't the same.  And I find it not fair that He can't be so forgiven ta people who veered so far off tha path, they trouble getting back. Havin a heart to do it seems ta mean little. It's all about a strong will ta make no mistakes."

Gabriel sat down in the next row and thought for a moment. "Try to see it from your congregation's side. It's not about God's patience and forgiveness, but about what they can handle with the time and resources they have." He looked at her intently. "You can still live a holy life, you can still be an example to the people around you. You could get married and have children and serve God through your family..." Gabriel had never considered that vocation. When the longing didn't come, he had known for sure that he was called to be a priest.

Kitty leaned back and gave a gentle pat to her full belly. "Got the second one on the way, working on the first part." She still didn't look convinced. "Don't seem ta make me any better than the average women of the church. Reckon I ain't though." A frown deepened on her face but she looked at the glass windows to stare at the pictures.

Oh wow, so the rumours were true? A nun who had gotten pregnant and now hurried into a marriage? He tried not to look judgemental. He probably failed. Gabriel bend his head down for a moment, to hide his face. He wasn't here to judge, he didn't know what had happened, he tried to remind himself. He closed his eyes when she spoke and slowly shook his head. Then he looked at her, his face calmer now. "No, no, listen. It isn't a competition."

Kitty stretched and leaned back in the pew. "Maybe you're right. But it ain't about that. It's about what I wanted and expected. I mean.. had you told me where I'd be today give years ago... if have called you a liar and punch you right in the nose. This was the opposite of who I used to be. I actually wanted to make god happy and make up for things. And I thought maybe he gave me the gift of the guy I met and actually wanna settle with. But then I keep getting shit from the church cause some things aren't as easy as doing in a day."

He was disturbed at her language, but kept himself from commenting on it. One step at a time. "But you can't be a nun and a mother and wife at the same time, Kitty. We only have one life, and if we take on too much, we will fail all our responsibilities. Being a nun means nothing else can distract us. Its an absolute dedication to God and a life of prayer." He nodded at her belly. "Whether planned or not, whether conceived in or out of wedlock, this child is your first responsibility now."

Kitty rose her brow and held out her hand. "It's not like I was like this when I was trying to be a nun. I'm not cuckoo. I started falling back into my old ways when Kemble kept upsetting me. He made me think no matter how much I improved it wouldn't matter until I was perfect. And even then it felt like my past kept me back and god would never want me. So why bother?"

She looked more upset and stared up at an image of Mary and curled her fingers a bit, starting to look like she'd cry. "Don't even say that. I would never do such a thing. I wasn't wanting a family before but I would never do such a thing. I know I'll love my kid and I love the guy who gave it to me. But I'm still angry you know."

He shifted uncomfortably. "Alright, alright, listen. I'm sorry to hear father Kemble discouraged you. Maybe he wanted the best, but just didn't realise he was reaching the opposite effect. But we can't let anger consume us. You've found a new vocation. Maybe this was your vocation all along, and father Kemble... well, who knows God can use people's mistakes and injustices to bring about good. Would you rather be a nun still?" It was getting harder and harder to find the right answers.

Kitty sighed shaking her head. "That's not it. I am happy. And I know.. I'm happier this way than being a nun. But I used to be able to do anything I put my mind to. And not just failing... its the cruelty he treated me with. And making me think I was worth his hate and that I was destined for hell no matter what. It still burns me up!"

Gabriel was quiet for a moment, closing his eyes and looking for words. He was reluctant to attack his predecessor. But he seemed to have done more harm than good. "I'm sorry you've had such bad experiences. No one is destined for hell." Sometimes he thought he might be.