Was it disrespectful to piss against a church? Noah reflected as he emptied his bladder in the narrow alley beside one of the many chapels. Not that he cared. This was the one they married Alice in, wasn't it? Here was what he thought of it. Plus, you never knew when you might want to try and rob someone, and Noah knew from experience that it was better to do that with an empty bladder. All very good reasons to be in a dark alley tonight watering the church. 

He jumped when he hear footsteps though, and in the movement accidentally peed on his shoe. 

DAMNIT!

Anthony didn't really make a habit of going near churches, but he might as well start doing that now. He had basically stopped caring about his distaste for churches and organized religion in general, like he had stopped caring for a lot of things. It was that exact same apathy that had brought him here tonight.

...Though he had hoped to not see anyone piss against a church tonight, he would be lying if he said he was particularly surprised. Anthony considered the pros and cons of every possible decision he could take right now. On one hand, it was disgusting to just stand around, but on the other, who wants to interrupt someone taking a piss. As it was dark and he couldn't recognize whoever the stranger was if he tried, he lacked bias, and just went with what was the best decision in this situation.

"Hey, dipshit," he called out, knocking against the wall to alert the other of his presence. Eloquent.

Oh shit. The guy was not amused. Noah quickly put his business away. "Sorry..." he muttered. There was that annoying feeling of being not quite done, but he'd have to keep it in for now. No pissing people off in dark alleys.

Now that he properly looked at the man - or rather, his outline against the street lighting in the main street, he realized that he was very short. "Hey, you're knife guy.... Mr..... Rolls, aren't you?"

It was right as soon as the guy opened his mouth that Anthony realized exactly who he was. Oh, so it wasn't just a dipshit, it was the dipshit. The realization made this situation all the more worse for him, of course. 

"The knife guy," he repeated, just because that specific phrase irritated him so much. "sure. Sure. I'm the knife guy." Though it annoyed him, Anthony didn't bother correcting him on what his name actually was. It was better if he didn't remember.

Noah should probably have noticed that Anthony sounded annoyed. But tact had never really been his strongest side. "What were you gettin' drunk with the constable over, the other day?" he asked. Definitely not his strongest side.

Anthony rolled his eyes to the back of his head, almost. Would it be bad if he stabbed a teenager? Not even kill, but just stab a little bit? He chose to wait before deciding. "Wouldn't you like to know," he laughed. Noah reminding him of that event was not exactly the best thing that had happened to them, as now Anthony had an actual reason to be pissed off at him.

"Aye." Noah admitted, unembarrassed. He was totally 'Mr. Rolls' apprentice after all. Hadn't the guy shown him how to hold a knife? "Were ye tryin' to get him drunk so ye could mug 'im? That would 'ave been funny."

Anthony was trying to hold onto his sanity as best as he could, but Noah was making that difficult for him. "Why do you want to know?" he asked, tilting his head in a mock-innocuous way. It's not like he's planning on answering Noah's question anyways, but he might as well just draw this shit out forever.

"Solely for my entertainment. That guy is such an idiot, he'll trusts anyone. I don't know how they made him constable." Actually, he didn't mind. Crane had caught him in an embarrassing act and clearly didn't like him, but another constable might have treated him worse. Still, he was a constable and an idiot and Noah would certainly enjoy watching him become the victim of his own naivity.

Answering the question was a big mistake on Noah's part. Anthony liked Elijah, obviously, and hearing Noah say this shit about him didn't earn him any sympathy from Anthony. "Is that the hill you want to die on?" Tolerating Noah was very difficult, and after this it was near-impossible. Anthony was already in a bad mood, meeting a guy he does not like and then hearing this crap from him did not improve it in the slightest. It had quite the opposite effect. Yet again, Anthony was pondering whether or not stabbing a teenager would be acceptable.

"What?" Noah was confused. "I'm not afraid of 'im. He's a moron."

Though Anthony was now pretty pissed-off at him, he had made the decision to not stab Noah. Worst that will happen is that he'll just deck the bitchw in the face. Much more moral and less criminal than stabbing him. "Pretty bold to call him a moron, though, ain't it?" he asked, raising an eyebrow in faux-curiosity. "Considering the type of person you yourself are." He was trying to stay away from outright calling him a bastard, but god it was difficult.

Noah turned red. He knew he wasn't very likable, but he had not expected this man to bring it up. Didn't he dislike the constable as well? "What's your problem?!"

Anthony hadn't expected that kind of outburst, but he didn't quite mind either. That's just what happens when you talk shit. "My problem? Seems to me that you're the one with problems," Anthony scoffed, and leaned against the wall. He knew from experience that Noah was kind of a coward, so he wasn't particularly concerned at all about the chance of him doing something instead.

"Oh yeah? Well...." Noah had never been witty or good with words. "Maybe you should mind your own business. Because clearly you have problems.... in your head!" Oh yeah, a total burn that was!

Anthony was feeling such extreme second-hand embarrasment right now. "Oh my god. Take that back," he said in the most monotone of voices. Anthony looked down at his fingernails, and started to clean out the dirt under them, just to show to Noah just how much he doesn't care about his insults. He did care, of course, but he didn't want to show it.

"Never mind. Hope you and Constable Crane will be happy together!" Noah mocked, and he moved to pass the man.

Anthony hesitated. "Happier than you'll ever be," he retorted. Though he was having fun with mocking Noah, he was also still quite pissed off, and the comment didn't help a bit. Anthony grabbed Noah's arm as the latter tried to walk away, and gave him a disapproving look. "Hey, hey, hey. You just gonna walk away? Not even take a bit of responsibility for your actions?" Truth be told, he didn't care whether he took responsibility or not — he just wanted to mock him even further. And maybe beat him up or stab him. Just a little bit.

As soon as the man grabbed his arm, Noah turned and tried to kick him. "Let go, you bastard, or I'll punch your face in!" Yeah. Noah totally always won whenever he had a fight with grown men... Not. But this guy was short. He might actually win for once.

Anthony had simultaneously underestimated Noah's and overestimated his own usefulness in a situation like this. He hadn't expected the kick, which was exactly why it managed to actually hit him. Luckily for him, the wall stopped him from completely falling onto the ground like the scrawny little weakling he is — but, unluckily, it did make him let go of the bastard's arm. It took a moment, but he tried to regain stability. "Nice bluff, dipshit," he taunted. Maybe it wasn't the wisest idea to mock and taunt him, right now, but Anthony didn't seem to care about that.

[CW: Violence]

As soon as Anthony let go and stumbled back against the wall, Noah saw his chance and began to kick and punch the man wildly. He'd show that asshole that he couldn't be messed with!

This was going much, much differently than Anthony was expecting it to go. His plans of regaining his footing were ruined by even more punches and kicks, which he had literally no choice but to just try and power through. It was very unpleasant and very painful, of course, but it's not like he had any choice. Though his physical strength was not helped at all by this fact, Anthony tried to land a punch (or, hell, anything at all) on Noah.

Noah saw the fist coming and moved aside a little. It hit his shoulder, rather than his face, but the movement did, for a moment, make him stop attacking Anthony.

Anthony was pleased enough at that outcome. He took the moment as an opportunity to try and kick Noah away from him, and not lose the fight. Or, at least, not as pathetically as he was losing right now.

Noah stepped back. "Bet you didn't see that comin', asshole!" he taunted like the grown up he was not.

Anthony just ended up kicking the air, but he wasn't being beaten anymore so he saw it as an absolute win. He took this moment as a chance to regain some stability, and raised a hand to touch his face, only noticing that he had a nosebleed after his fingers were bloodied by him touching his face. At least that was the extent of the damage on his face. Probably. 

Noah's taunting only pissed him off even more, so obviously he had to reply. "Go fuck yourself." Smooth.

"I'd rather fuck your sister!" Noah retorted, hoping that the man had a sister. His shoulder did hurt somewhat, but though instinctively he wanted to put his hand on it, he refused to do so. He had won this fight. He wanted this ass to know that.

Anthony wiped away the blood running from his nose and scowled. Did this bitch know just how much of a menace he was? Anthony was so, so tempted to take his knife and stab the prick in the throat. "Haven't got laid in such a long time that you're desperate enough to try and fuck my sister?" A bit of a wordy comeback, but he was actually relatively proud of it.

[Content warning: Weird cringeworthy incestuous insult]

Noah glared. "No!" Damn he needed to think of a come back. "I got a lass pregnant!" he bragged. And then a better come back came to mind. "But your sister must get bored of you, so I'll do it out of pity."

[cw: also a weird cringeworthy incestuous insult]

Anthony was praying to god that Noah was lying about getting a girl pregnant, because the sheer idea of it being real was kind of disgusting. "That's what your mum said when she fucked your dad," he retorted. Absolutely sick burn.

That required Noah to think to much. He frowned. He didn't like it when he had to think. "Shut up about my mum!" he shouted, even though he really hated his mum.

Anthony ignored Noah's shouting, and just chose to taunt him even further. He mimicked being in deep thought. "Well, pure pettiness aside, you do look and act very inbred. Maybe I was more right than I thought," he said, a smug smile on his face. He knew that he was basically asking to get beat up again with that, but it was genuinely worth it.

"Well.... you look like you're the son of a whore!" Noah retorted. Little did he know.

Ouch. That was perhaps the only insult that genuinely hurt him. "Don't you think that being the son of a whore is....better than being a product of incest?" Though he phrased the question in a way that made it seem like he wanted an answer, he actually didn't give two shits. He just wanted to mock this dipshit.

[CW: Ok, it gets even worse and all sorts of awful incestuous suggestions. I'm sorry.]

"You admit it then?" Noah mocked. "When everyone was done fucking her, did you do it too? Let me know where she is, so I can pay her a visit!" It had been long since he had tried this hard to get a rise out of someone.

[cw: awful, awful references to necrophilia and incest. god help us all]

Anthony wasn't even that mad, he was just....genuinely shocked. He stood there in silence for a moment too long, before realizing that, oh yeah, he needs to come up with a reply. "She's six feet under the ground, but I can dig her out if you want to fuck her that bad," he retorted. This whole 'accuse Anthony of fucking his mom' thing was actually beginning to kinda get to him.

"Nah, I'll stick to your sister," Noah said dryly. This was actually getting pretty tiring. "Well, I'm off. She's waiting for me." And he started walking away.

Even though Anthony wasn't actually very pissed at the comments, he was pissed at how Noah just....walked away like that. Though he didn't want his ass beat again, which is why he didn't physically stop him, he was irritated at how he seemingly had lost both the verbal and physical fights. "Well, okay," he shrugged. Whatever. He can always mock this bastard again another day. "no wonder that the only woman you can get is a woman that doesn't exist."

Noah stopped and turned. "I've fucked more women than you did!" Noah himself didn't actually believe it. But it was probably true.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Well, that was true, at least. Since he's already being insulted about not fucking women, might as well reclaim it. "Interesting. But have you considered that I fucked your dad?" Aaand they were at the start again, just insulting eachother like kids. It was like a neverending loop of insults. Anthony didn't seem to mind — he revelled in giving this bitch a verbal smackdown.

Noah shrugged. "That wouldn't surprise me." HA!

Anthony didn't know how to respond to that.

"Yeah? Well– I fuck your dad every night, so that......that means I'm your stepdad now, bitch." What the hell possessed him to make him say that?

"You mean you suck his cock?" Okay, even Noah was grossed out by now, but if Anthony was grossed out more, it was worth it. "Then when do you make time for sucking Crane's?"

Okay, this was getting actually uncomfortable, especially considering how Noah brought the guy he actually has sex with into the equation. But Anthony won't give in until it's clear he has won this fight. "There's 24 hours in the day, Noah. I have time," Anthony mimicked giving a blowjob, hoping that'll gross out Noah.

[CW: homophobia]

It did. Noah pulled a disgusted face. "Yeah... You should be in prison, you filthy sodomite." He turned again to walk away, because he was very uncomfortable now.

Anthony hadn't expected that kind of reaction. Really, he was just hoping for Noah to be a bit disgusted and just run off, instead of whatever that was. It was probably the only comment that...genuinely made him feel bad. The fact that he knew that Noah genuinely hated his guts lessened the impact of the comment, but not by a lot. "Well — good riddance, asshole," he replied, trying to seem more angry than he actually was.

Noah kept walking but turned to make an obscene gesture at Anthony.

Not watching where he was going, he walked into a wall.

Anthony was ready to just start crying in this very same alley. 

Noah walking into a wall did make him laugh, though. Bitch deserved it. "Moron!" he called out, just to make sure that he knows he's a moron.

Noah stepped back. "Fuck off!" And he walked off with what dignity he thought he had left.

"Gladly." Anthony was glad that Noah was gone, because that meant that now he can break down as much as he wants. So, there was, crying next to a church about getting beaten up and insulted and called a sodomite. That just...seemed like one of those things that would happen near a church. What an interesting coincidence.

Whatever. He'll probably be gone from here before the break of dawn in any case, so he shouldn't linger on any of those thoughts.